The Lingering Power of Love
Grief has a way of rising like high tide in unexpected ways regardless of the passage of time. Random moments can reignite acute memories. A song on the radio, the smell of a spice, or the discovery of a long forgotten photo buried deep beneath layers of life have the potential to transport the heart to days long gone. For those of us touched by suicide, there’s an added layer of piercing heartache. Death by choice is gut wrenching. Suicide complicates grief. Reconciling a decision to die knowing the one you loved felt so lost leaves a wake of ache.
My oldest brother, Pat took his life almost 40 years ago, but I still remember the twinkle in his eye and the full body shake when he laughed. My brother Neil has been gone over 10 years, yet the bigger our lives grow, the more we miss his unique and vibrant entrance into any room. Missing both my brothers is never easy.
September is National Suicide Awareness Month, and provides the opportunity to transform this unique and piercing grief into awareness. I talk about my brothers all the time in hopes that my heart connection with them will make a difference for those who struggle with self-worth. It’s only through the sweet memories of connection with my brothers that I can create a platform of compassion and understanding for those grappling with how to fit in this big and complicated world.
As a local suicide awareness advocate, I’ve been offered opportunities to speak at local high schools. When I look out onto an auditorium full of young and promising people, I share my story of loss so that others, especially those so young, might open the windows of their emerging hearts to the greater world where pain and despair are part of the universal language of humanity. Although bittersweet, I inevitably find a reason to smile as I remember my brothers’ beautiful essence.
On Thursday, October 19, The University of Dayton and CareSource are hosting a Spotlight Town Hall event to shine a light on mental health and suicide prevention. Head UD Men’s Basketball Coach Anthony Grant and his wife, Chris will be among the panelists representing the life and love of their daughter, Jayda who died tragically by suicide. Also presenting their story are Mark and Kym Hilinski. Their son Tyler died by suicide in 2018. I don’t know either family, but I feel connected to their anguish. My guess is the twinkle in Jayda or Tyler’s eyes or the memories of their presence in any room propels their family through inexplicable pain to a place where love wins, despite it all.
Grief has no expiration date. I’ve been writing about suicide awareness for over 10 years in honor of my brothers, and in doing so, their love moves through my heart. Recently, I was challenged by someone who thought my revisit to suicide awareness was “old.” To that cold hearted person I say, talking, sharing and advocating kneads a broken heart. The byproduct of any love has no lingering power unless we tell the stories, share the laughter and tears, and commit to honoring legacy, even when it’s uncomfortable. Such kneading releases the yeast of everlasting love which is quite stubborn. Awareness of anything makes an impact only if the heart is engaged.
The place those we’ve lost to suicide in our families is forever, therefore, we must persist in bringing their light into the world of awareness so that others might find a path forward in hope. For more information, go to daytonflyers.com