The Roads They've Traveled

In a recent Good Rising article, I wrote about my new found delight in facilitating workshops with the elderly. I love unearthing stories from a lifetime of experiences. So, I was even more excited when I met for the first time with residents from the St. Leonard Assisted Living Unit. We came together, and at least for our first session we just talked. I asked questions and then simply listened.

I heard about a woman who was the youngest of 10 with a not so very nice father. Her recount of how her brothers bullied her was hard to hear, but then we heard about her respite from summers spent on her older sister’s farm. I heard from another woman who married a military serviceman, had 4 children, and spent too many years trying to raise a family in barren lands. We talked about how her husband put their family first. Standing up to big military brass is not easy. Somehow, they ended up in Dayton, Ohio. I loved their honesty. The youngest of 10 ended up marrying an only child at the age of 18.  When I asked her how that was, she responded, “Not good.” We all laughed, and upon further discussion, we learned her husband fell in love with her big crazy family.

What touched me the most was hearing from a man who exuded warmth and kindness. He talked about his wife of over 55 years and how she is now lost to Alzheimer’s Disease. He remains her primary caregiver, yet she recognizes him rarely with only fleeting indications. His love for her was palpable. His shoulders remained relaxed as he talked about her early evening episodes of anxiety. He teared up as he recalled their 55thwedding anniversary celebration when they held hands just like the old days. I was captivate by it all.

One of my favorite stories was shared by an almost 90 year old retired nurse. At the age of 60 something, she bought a motor home and proceeded to embark on a 6 week cross country trip through farm fields, across mountains, and upwards towards the Pacific coast. And yes, she left her beloved husband at home. He didn’t like to travel so much, she said. Destination? Alaska. Her sister lived in Alaska, so why not make trip across country and through Canada by herself? I was amazed and inspired even before I heard about the time the motor home broke down on the side of the vast Montana highway.

I am reminded over and over again through my interaction with the elderly the depth and richness of their stories. Too often, when possessions and professions no longer define us, and when walkers or hearing aids become necessary to support an aging body, our elderly tend to become forgotten in the fast moving world beyond the community dining room.

I am constantly inspired and blown away by the memories shared from these who’ve lived such long and storied lives. I love facilitating a welcome space where narratives are heard amidst gentle space. There is such potential in asking questions, and then asking more.  

After our session, the residents with their room keys hanging from their coiled wrist bracelets grabbed their walkers and moved on to the next part of their day. In contrast, with tote in hand, I walked through the automated double doors to the outside world. Little did my new friends know I brought their stories with me. I can’t wait until next time when I am, no doubt, swayed and motivated by these beautiful and storied people. I keep thinking about that motor home….