A Little Fun Goes A Long Way

My daughter recently celebrated her 32nd birthday. As a young mom of two little boys, most of her time is spent making sure her family is cared for. She loves to bake, so when she told me she was making her own birthday cake I knew it would be a delicious alternative to a Duncan Hines cake mix. She then sent me a photo of her birthday decorations she purchased for herself and crazy fun birthday candles ready to light. Always the one to go the extra mile for others, I loved how my daughter was going the extra mile for herself.

Although the concept of making your own birthday fun is rather frivolous, the reminder to care for yourself in deeper, more meaningful ways is not. These are hard times for many people, and the wigginess of the unknown is an added layer of stress. My heart breaks for those bound by circumstances way beyond their control that have hijacked a former life. Those of you who follow my writing know I’m drawn to that space where we’re challenged to find new footing on an uninvited road. I know that space, and I deeply love those who’ve faced the unimaginable. Such challenges stretch our capacities and often leave us feeling lost. Although the offering of support by community through prayer or casseroles is a dependable gamechanger, at the end of the day you are the one who must lay your head on the pillow to face the loneliness of the night.

So, this is where the fun birthday candles come to play. Stay with me here. We all have frivolous things that bring us joy.  I remember so well when my sister spent months in Chicago at her son’s bedside after he suffered a severe and debilitating traumatic brain injury. She came to love a nearby bistro just a few blocks from the hospital. After her weary and hope-seeking days, my sister would take herself to that restaurant and order their soup of the day. It became a healthy indulgence that soothed her from the inside out. Did the soup make her big world any better? Of course not. But for a moment or two, she could rest the heaviness of the day into the savor and comfort of a bowl of soup.

Big life requires small graces. There are others much more wise and learned than me who’ve established reputable careers in guiding us through tough times.  I’ve read and listened to many of them. However, the humble example of making your own birthday fun might have some relevance to this conversation. In between times when life feels too big or when we’re exhausted from seeking, perhaps you can recharge yourself with a bit of lightness. A latte from Starbucks, a watch on Netflix, or putting a candle in a cake for no reason might offer an opportunity for a deep breath.  Life is hard. Navigating hard is especially hard. Allowing a bit of respite into the world of frivolous and fun might soothe the jagged edges of ache.

My daughter reminded me through her birthday self-celebration that the act of caring for yourself is actually quite empowering. Recharging your soul batteries with sparkly fingernail polish or a fountain diet coke may seem flippant. But I choose to believe such momentary delights just might offer a chance to breathe. The hard stuff will still be there, but a deep breath of pleasure just might be a perfect way to set yourself up for the next hard thing. And if that deep breath is meant to blow out some kind of fun candle lit with intention, that’s even better.

Photo by Amy Feingold on Unsplash