Finding The Bridges
As many of you know, I write often about the loss of my two brothers to suicide. As a byproduct of my family’s continued grief, my hope is to communicate a message that depression or dark times do not have to have the final word. Given the increasing and alarming numbers of youth who emotionally struggle, any occasion I have to share my story with young people is a welcome opportunity to bring light to a very tough topic.
When Preble Shawnee High School in Preble County asked me to come and speak with their student body, I immediately accepted their gracious invitation. Their school community has been touched by suicide over the past several years, so I was particularly humbled by their outreach. I sent a copy of my power point presentation ahead of time so that the administration and mental health counselors could know in advance the substance of my message. It is a delicate subject after all. As part of my talk, I recall the morning my brother died and how numb by devastation my family was. There were no words in that moment, and quite frankly there was nothing to do as my other brother, sister and I walked aimlessly beneath a brilliant blue sky. Our hearts were shattered. The only thing to do was make our way to the nearest McDonalds for a bathroom break and a fountain diet coke.
That morning we were met by an elderly McDonalds employee sweeping the sidewalks. He had no idea the pain we were carrying, but he held the door open for us as he said, “Have a good day.” His warm smile and genuine wish became a bridge as we walked into McDonalds in pursuit of the soft drink fountain bar.
I also talk about how to keep moving through despairing times. In times of crisis, what matters most is paying attention to the grace that surrounds even when the heart feels like it just can’t take anything more. On the morning of my brother’s death, it was the kind gesture of a stranger and the pursuit of a diet coke that helped us navigate the unspeakable, one tick at a time. What might seem like an insignificant happening to one can be a lifesaver to another.
When I arrived at Preble Shawnee High School, I was met warmly by their mental health school counselor and the group of Hope Squad students who’d organized the afternoon dedicated to mental health and suicide awareness. Hope Squad is a peer to peer support group entrenched in middle and high schools throughout the country. Their mission is to provide a listening ear and open heart to fellow students. These are inspiring kids. I was so happy to be in the midst of such an energetic and dedicated team. We instantly gelled and I found myself deeply nourished by the energy surrounding me.
As we prepared to move to the school auditorium where the assembly would take place, I was directed to a big “gulp-sized” beverage cup sitting on one of the nearby desks. “We have a diet coke for you,” the school counselor said. I was struck by such a meaningful gift of kindness.
My time with the Preble Shawnee High School community was so meaningful. While talking to the students, I felt this ricochet of understanding and sacred space of reciprocal thoughtfulness. We’re all connected in this big continuum of love and grief, and the search for hope. I asked the students to always remember goodness is somewhere for their taking. And then, I took a big healing gulp of my fountain diet coke.