His Name Was Louis
His name was Louis. A surprising but welcome pregnancy. All indication pointed to a healthy full term birth. Well on his way towards life in the arms of his parents, he was unexpectedly lost. Devastation without answers. Instead, Louis found his way into the arms of heavenly angels. His parents were blind sighted by grief; consolation hard to find.
His name is Archie. The startling miracle after repeated and relentless fertility sorrow. A wish never sought or imagined, now resting in the arms of his elated parents.
Two stories which book-end the ambition of creating family, and exemplify the difficulty in doing just that. For many woman, the plan to have kids when you wish to have kids is easy. Let’s try in this month so that I can plan for that month. Let’s try after we get ourselves a bit more “together” in worldly ways. All goes according to plan until it doesn’t. For countless couples, hardship has many chapters. Young women (and their partners) find themselves part of a mission they never imagined. Having had the experience of a miscarriage long ago, the hurt of childbearing loss can be debilitating. This is a world not talked about enough. Many young women know what I mean and have a story to tell.
Some women have a hard time conceiving. The continuum of solutions range from body temperature checks to the search for amazing science that can facilitate fruition. Traversing a path towards successful gestation often involves the cocktail of injected hormones, vitamins and medications that help to trick a woman’s body into readiness. Conception becomes the furthest thing from dreamy. The aspiration for a little one supersedes the romanticism of an intentional date night and becomes a mission. Other women conceive only to lose. Heartbreak is overwhelming, and the navigation towards hope is hard to come by.
We are all different. Many young women I know, in the aftermath of varied loss, deal with grief differently. We all do. Infertility or trouble carrying a pregnancy to healthy term is no different. For those starving for restoration of hope, comfort might be found in the shared understanding between those who have suffered similar losses. Inspiration for heart renewal may rest in those who have paved the path before them. I told one young friend recently, that the ability to pay it forward and offer a smile yields goodness despite the sadness from a very personal grief. I believe we are all more connected than we think.
So here is to the forever love of Louis and the beginning love of Archie. One meets the other creating a continual reminder of the power of hope just when we think loss has the last word. The weave of our collective tapestry is life giving. For all of you young women out there in the midst of trial in wishing to grow your family, hang in there. Don’t isolate yourself. There is healing power in the camaraderie we woman share with one another. Fertility struggles feel so personal. It’s easy to contract, resist getting out of bed, or worse, become consumed with anger and the unfairness of it all. Regardless of where you are in your pain, your story endures. Seek trust in the love connection between Louis and Archie. Two little ones passing in the multitude of narratives so many of you are living. Good will find you if you let it. And if you can’t quite yet be open to hope, don’t worry. I’ll be open for you.