Letting Go

I was talking with a good friend whose youngest child is going off to college. Given the fact that this is her 6thchild and she’s been in the throes of logistical and thoughtful motherhood for the past 30 plus years, this is a big deal. I anticipated a bit of adjustment for her, so when I offered to “be there” for her in the days following her daughter’s move, my friend resisted a quick fix to her transition. Instead, she preferred some alone time so that she could rest in the heart-felt void of transition. Letting go is never easy, yet my seasoned and wise friend knew she would need space to feel everything after sending her daughter off to a bigger world.

As the crickets sing their songs of summer’s end, children of all ages are letting go of the old and starting something new. For the kindergartner whose little legs stretch to reach the first step up onto the school bus, the parent waving goodbye just hopes the bus driver will take over in encouragement; and from there, appreciates the teacher on the other end of the bus who helps the brave little one find the right classroom. This year, I’m quite privy to my own grandchildren starting at a new school, and all the adjustments that go with it.

Regardless of what letting go looks like, there’s a continuum of emotions. Some parents might miss their kindergartner and count the minutes until the bus returns. Others, like me when my youngest stepped onto that bus will do a happy dance. I think I recall choosing to do nothing that first day of space; and nothing at that time in my life meant everything.

I bring up the bookends of school beginnings to acknowledge how parents across the spectrum are in the season of letting go. Yet, resetting amidst change reaches far beyond a college dorm or a kindergarten bus. Letting go is a lifelong challenge; one few of us can avoid. Change is inevitable. Whether we grieve the loss of loved ones, are forced to accept the reality of change, or are charged with resetting expectations, letting go is simply part of our human experience. The good news is, in due time, loss inadvertently creates newness.

Think about it. The best way to treat emptiness is with a fill-up. So, with respect to the vast spectrum of letting go, we have to trust in the possibilities for new space to rise up from an unwelcome void. Believe me, accepting change can be acutely painful, but there is a good lesson to be learned from the kindergartner who makes the big step into the unknown. Even at the age of 5, trust is present.

My friend will get her daughter settled in her a dorm room with her bed and enough Target snacks to last her until Thanksgiving break. Eventually though, a final hug will be given, and my friend will drive away enveloped in a new kind of silence. Her wisdom will tell her all is good, yet she’ll need time to reset. I have no doubt, however, that in due time, my friend will create new. She will not rest in her letting go; rather, she will relish other opportunities to grow and expand and bring forth all she is to the world.

Each of us has our own very personal stories of letting go, and having to trust a bus driver or a college roommate or ourselves when the winds of change blow through. This is a good time to remember, however, we are not alone. I’ll make sure my friend remembers just that.