Seasons of Friendship

Turning 64 offers a moment of reflection. I find myself in the sweet spot of life where the rear view mirror offers a rich perspective of wisdom. Despite the efforts of trying to eat well (even with the occasional communal serving of fried potato chips), exercising daily, and living in the world of abundant family, I have limited control over the aging process. If 64 teaches you anything, it’s that the only constant is change, even in friendship. Leave it to two beautiful women to remind me of the value of friendship, and the evolution of how people ebb and flow in our lives. All friendships have value and importance, despite change.

During my somewhat prolonged birthday merriment, I shared intentional times with two old and dear friends. The first was a coffee date with a treasured friend who I’ve known since grade school.  Circa 5th grade, I remember play dates with Carol who lived on Jenny Lane. Circa Junior year of high school, I remember Chemistry lab with Carol and her future husband who, at the time, was the lab partner who simply made us laugh. I hate to say we feigned our way through vinegar reacting with baking soda, but we did. 50 plus years later, my recent time with Carol made me feel as if I was in the presence of the safest and coziest of spaces. Catching up was authentic and honest. Tears flowed and we allowed one another to be seen through the cracks of our souls. I left our coffee date reminded of what it means to be real.

My second date was with another friend with whom I’ve traversed motherhood. It’s hard to believe it’s been almost 40 years since Martha and I arranged play dates, cheered our little swimmers at neighborhood swim club meets, or volunteered together at school fundraisers. Our children brought us together all those years ago, and now we gather in a friendship cultivated by letting go of our children and embracing the challenges that age 64 offers. Yes, we reminisced, but we really had more to talk about the present and all our joys and sorrows.

My time with Carol and Martha left me in a bit of reflection. I’ve had some really great people in my life over the years who shared life in a way that offered mutual companionship and support. Cultivating a relationship with someone who “gets it” in the moment is priceless. But, as with all else, friendships evolve. Life is made up of seasons. We change, we stretch and we find ourselves in a very different place than we did just yesteryear. Sustaining seasonal friendships sometimes, without fault, simply fall by the wayside. Regardless, those champions from the past will forever remain in my heart bank. Without them, I would not own the tapestry of my life.

As I experienced with Carol and Martha, you just can’t make new old friends. Wrinkles in time make irrelevant old agendas or expectations to see through the same prism. Change means we can lift one another by individual enlightenment born from living the differences of our complicated lives. My old friends offer love and space mirrored by the soft gaze of their loving eyes. We offered space between the tears of our life expressions, and the understanding of our shared laughter only gave dimension to the different paths of life’s journeys.

I sometimes think what it would be like to spend some time with those dear friends from chapters past who sustained me in those life-filled days. Change may be constant, but my heart remains grateful for those who met me in the moment.