The Bittersweet of Father’s Day

This is our second Father’s Day without my dad. Although I’ll think of him with a smile and miss his signature piano playing and goofy humor, I realize we had him for more than fair amount of time. My dad was 91 when he died. His body was tired. He was ready.

For others, the loss of their dad comes way too early. I know far too many whose sense of trust in life was shattered by the premature loss of their dad. Emerging adulthood (and sometimes childhood) thrusted them into a grief never imagined; young hearts way too unprepared. Father’s Day is a painful reminder of not only what was lost, but what could have been. Father’s Day will always be bittersweet for them.

Uninvited circumstance invites us into a club we never wished to be part of. For those mourning the absence of their dad, all we can do is offer an acknowledgement. Any day without your dad poses challenges. Father’s Day must feel especially empty. Sometimes the longer someone is gone the harder it gets. After all, love grows even in absence.

Having to navigate life amidst brokenness is challenging. What I’ve learned through my own loss is that broken doesn’t have to have the last word.  Broken means good has the opportunity to seep into the cracks of your shatter where new roots can grow. Nothing makes your loss right, but in rising up, we bring the light of those lost forward. Good can rise.

I offer a bit of my dad for those of you missing your dad. If here were with us, he would channel his Irish heritage, sit down at the piano and play a litany of the “old” songs that would make you smile. Then, he’d raise his glass with a splash of scotch and make a grand cheer.

“Slainte,” he’d say, channeling the Gaelic traditional toast.

I can see him now, and this unique memory of him makes me smile. I hope you can find a moment of smile this Father’s Day, even in your sorrow. It’s how the rhythm of life goes.

My mom used to have an etched stone by her bed. It was a quote that made her think of her beloved dad for years after his passing. It read, “In the quiet moments of the day, I think of you.” I can only imagine how memories of her dad gave comfort as she rested at day’s end.

For those of you without your dad this Father’s Day, I hope you can find the best of his memory in the quiet of your day. And if quiet doesn’t do it for you, find a song he loved and allow his love to find you between the cracks. I’ll be tapping my toes along with you as I remember my dad with a smile. Slainte to all dads everywhere.